Flowers from Showers

This post has been a long time coming.
Like, it felt like decades of waiting some days, but that's just me being dramatic. It has been a couple of years, though. And I think I knew the whole time that I would eventually be making this post, writing out everything that led to life changing in big ways. But you know how when you really want something, it sometimes feels like it will never actually happen? It was a bit like that.
Only it has happened, so now I have to fill you in on everything that's been going on. Not because I feel everyone is obligated to read through my ramblings or because I simply must share my inner thoughts with the internet, but because I have a duty to do everything to the glory of God. And, WOW, has He done some really awesome things through the past couple of years. So here goes...

As you may know, I've been teaching for the past six years. Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. It was as much a part of me as being an author. So I went to college, got a couple of teaching certifications, and got a teaching job right after graduating. And at first, it was everything I had been working towards. Sure, there were some difficult days and challenges, but I had known what I was getting into as a teacher. And the good far outweighed those difficulties. I remember thinking something along the lines of, "Wow, at 21 I have everything I wanted to work towards, isn't that amazing!" You'd think that as an author I'd be able to spot the foreshadowing better, but no.
So my first few years as a teacher passed, bringing us to somewhere in the fall of 2024. And suddenly, it seemed like everything I ever wanted wasn't really all it was supposed to be. Don't get me wrong, I still was loving teaching. My kids were the highlight of every single day, and the rare opportunities I had to be creative with my lessons brought so much joy and satisfaction. But it was getting harder and harder to make that happiness stretch beyond the moment. Between decisions that I didn't agree with on a fundamental level, attempts to advocate that always failed, expectations piling up with no reprieve, and nearly constant pressure to be myself when it was beneficial and someone completely different when it didn't suit anyone else... my "everything I ever wanted" started to feel like it was trying to drown me. And perhaps the worst part was the sinking feeling that I didn't love what I was doing anymore, even though I knew I still loved to teach.
Fast forward to April of 2025 (we don't need to linger on the months of those feelings because that was super not fun), and I had decided that enough was enough. I set aside a weekend for fasting and prayer and decided that I was going to sit with God until He told me what to do about the fact that I was having a terrible time every day (yes, I know that I could've and should've done this sooner... we're all dumb sometimes). And as I sat with God, I got an answer that I wasn't expecting. A dream that had lingered in the back of my mind for years, a plan to teach in a completely different way and setting, suddenly came to the forefront of my mind. And not in a, "oh that's interesting" way. In a way that slammed into the center of my thoughts and refused to budge as if there simply was no other answer. Naturally, my first reaction was panic because this idea involved stepping out on my own, away from the job that was very stable and that I was objectively excelling at. But, I reasoned that if this really was God's plan, and if I knew that I was going where He called me, that maybe I could be brave enough to do the crazy thing. And then came the months of praying. And waiting.
I won't get into too much detail because, believe it or not, I'm not trying to write a whole novel here. The Mirror book study posts go into much more detail about this waiting period, if you're interested. But the big takeaway of this period of time was the absolute beauty of waiting in the hands of the Living God. Not that it's easy or free of pain. I'm pretty sure it was one of the hardest times in my life so far. But the love of God is so tangible in moments of uncertainty and frustration, and it is a privilege to learn that. I prayed daily for His leading to leave my job and pursue this dream that I had... and daily, the answer was no. In June of 2025, I knew I would be returning to the same job for at least another year because that was where God wanted me. Devastating... but I was hearing God's voice, and the pleasure of that softened the blow.
So I continued where I was, learning lesson after lesson after lesson. I learned to rest in Him when the world was wearying. I learned to bring all of my thoughts and feelings to Him, even when they were particularly messy. I learned just how close He was, even when I was not very pleasant to be close to. I learned to seek godly wisdom instead of what "makes sense" to the rest of the world. I learned to step back and look at things through heavenly eyes, to see how His plan was better and how He orchestrated things I wouldn't have even known to look for. This past school year was slightly easier- not because circumstances got better, but because I had tucked myself a little closer to God's side.
And then, there was that dream again! The possibility of setting out on my own to teach kids on my own terms, in a way that made learning magical and allowed me to be creative and passionate, was right there in front of me. And so, tentatively, I took a couple of small steps... and doors swung wide open. It's hard to explain exactly how I knew that it was time to go, but there was an absolute certainty, a peace that doesn't make sense by worldly standards, and the next step always illuminated when I needed it. So I stepped. And I kept stepping.
I resigned from my job, registered my own business, got things set up, and began booking the workshops that will become my new job. There have been many points where I have to admit I have no idea what I'm doing. Many things that I don't know exactly how they will turn out because I can't see the future. So many things that I know don't make sense to those around me because I've left the path they thought I would stay on and it seems I've chosen something awfully shaky to build my life on. But I know that my life is built on a firm foundation, I know the God who holds my world, and I know that nothing can shake that. And, oh, what an adventure!
I keep thinking that this can't really be reality. That this dream is still just a dream. That surely I didn't actually have the bravery to step out and do what was necessary to make this happen. But God is an excellent Author, and His stories are not predictable. He has provided, He has guided, He has comforted and emboldened and energized... and He will continue to do so. And I think that's the best part. Yes, I am doing the things that I thought I would only dream about, and that is a blessing words can't describe. But the true magic is doing it with God.
I am utterly enchanted by Him, moved to tears more times than I can count by his generosity, faithfulness, and unfathomable love. He has been so unreasonably good to me. Seeing that the outcome of the trials of these past couple of years has been to draw me closer to His side, I would do it ten times over again. Just for the unsurpassed joy of knowing Him better, of feeling His presence more strongly in my life. But I don't have to do it over again because He's still right here with me. Every step is part of the adventure He brings to my life. He was with me in the rain, He is walking with me in the garden, and He will be with me for every storm and summit of the future.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor power, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
​Romans 8:37-39 (ESV)