Every Step

Well, I'm back with some more thoughts after... who knows how long. But you know how it goes- something gets in my head, and then eventually it makes its way out in writing. Today's inspiration was partially the sermon in church this morning, partially God doing that fun thing He does sometimes when He just sort of reaches down and pokes me. Like a, "Hey, I have something to say to you and you're not listening" sort of thing.
Anyways. My church is currently in the middle of a sermon series on prayer, and this morning's focus was on allowing Jesus in because He wants to spend time with us. He wants to be close to us. Which, as someone who grew up in church and in a Christian family and has always had a walk with God, I knew. But there was a point somewhere in the middle of the sermon where I had a sudden thought. I miss Him. And you know what? That's on me. I've been reading my Bible and praying and going to church and checking all my good Christian duties off the list, but I realized that there hasn't been any time recently where I've just been with Jesus.
When I was little, I never had the chance to miss Him because he was everything. I loved Jesus, but I was also head over heels in love with Him, too. He was my Savior, yes, but also my friend, my confidant, my safe place. You know how in the Narnia movies every time Lucy sees Aslan, you get that beautiful scene of her running to him and just burying her face in his mane? That's how it was every time. Jesus was always on my mind.
I've had the privilege of having a beautiful walk with Christ. From the innocence of childhood through the hot garbage fire that was high school, He was there every step. Even when I had no friends and didn't fit in anywhere and cried way more often than I'd like to admit, He was there every step. And when I went to college and things were new and scary, He was there every step. Now, in a new place with a new job when things are going really well, He is still with me every step. And it's because of that relationship and His faithfulness that I still know He is the most important part of my life. It's why I start each morning in my Bible and make sure to carve out time in my day for Him.
And that's great. Don't get me wrong, it took me a while to get to that point, and I know that routine is essential for my life. But somewhere in all the busyness and piled up to-do lists, I forgot that it's not all about a routine. I forgot how I used to just talk to God about my day. I forgot the resting piece of things, the part where maybe I shut up for once during my time with God and let Him speak. And when I realized this morning that I missed Him, deeply and viscerally, that was all I wanted. Just to be with Him. Just to let Him hold me. Just to run to Him like I used to, not with my problems, but with my excitement and my joy to simply know and love Him.
I don't want to be too busy to be in love with Jesus. I don't want there to be any piece of my life that isn't completely saturated with that love. I want to go back to casual conversations and resting in His presence. Because honestly, little me didn't have a whole lot figured out, but she really nailed that piece.

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." -Revelation 3:20